June 20, 2009
Okay, COMPLETELY ignore the second half of the blog title...I promise it really holds no weight/has little connection to what I now may type...only that it sounded catchy. Oh wait, I lied - I feel like it has been "Heather's life as a circus monkey" in that I've been running around like a maniac doing about a million things, thinking about a million things, etc. lately. A million may be an estimate, but I've saved you from math equations and reading a long set of numbers with decimal points. :)
Okay, COMPLETELY ignore the second half of the blog title...I promise it really holds no weight/has little connection to what I now may type...only that it sounded catchy. Oh wait, I lied - I feel like it has been "Heather's life as a circus monkey" in that I've been running around like a maniac doing about a million things, thinking about a million things, etc. lately. A million may be an estimate, but I've saved you from math equations and reading a long set of numbers with decimal points. :)
I have honestly had a really good last few weeks. I have proclaimed officially, somewhere in at least my subconscious, that I do not want to work 8:30-5 for the rest of my life until I am 68...that may not mean that I have a commanding entrepreneurial skill so mastered that I'm giving my notice tomorrow...but I'm starting to REALLY dream, and think, and envision what I may want my life to look like in these next few years. I'm starting to ask myself, what studying up do I need to do/what do I need to learn, how do I get focused on some of the dreams in my heart, so I don't look back in 15 years and think, "Darn, those WERE good dreams....too bad they slipped down the drain.
And even aside from pursuing things connected to future goals...I've been at it again, trying random and new things, just for the sake of trying new things, trying things I've always wanted to do, but haven't...and for the sake of doing what I'm fearful of. When you do something you have never done or are afraid to do, and you go through it, even if it's a little class, or a one time event, you build confidence and you get stronger inside. Last year living up in Vancouver, on my own accord, I took a one night wine knowledge class, a gluten free cooking class, and an all-natural soap making class with a friend. They may scream, "random," but they were fun little adventures...Two years ago when I was living in Fresno, I took a hip hop dance class! (YES, there is a B-rate video of Heather busting out some crazy ghetto dance moves, floating out there somewhere). Sometimes I get myself in these new situations and then think, "Heather, really? Stop trying new things...sometimes the stretching and newness is uncomfortable." But really, cheers to that!
Now I've started attending a summer pottery night class. My poetic soul couldn't make a darn thing out of that clay the other night...using the wheel that is. I wanted to be done, and say, "NOT for me, money back please," but strangely enough will return next week, ready to try again, and maybe after 8 weeks make something that looks higher than a 4th gr. skill level...and at least feel proud for sticking with something.
What is it that you totally want to do but never have done? The secret desire in your heart? The vocation you'd really rather be in? The adventure you want to go on? The trip you want to plan? The side project calling your name? The musical inclination you haven't explored out of fear? The ultimate thing that speaks to your heart? Both asking these questions for you and for me. There is something beautiful in giving yourself honest answers...
So many realizations as of late....life is so incredibly short. I desire to make an impact in peoples' lives and do great and purposeful things...somehow connected to that though, I want to be awake and alive, know what makes my heart sing, and then chase it as fast as I can in till I fall in the grass like a silly little girl with her flowy skirt twisted in knots, with a tune to hum, and joy in her heart. I'm starting the chase...and sometimes the chase begins in such small ways that no one but you knows the steps you take. Sometimes you may not want to even tell anyone....I'm learning it's okay to protect the dream for awhile, like a little egg you keep warm, safe, and protected, while it gets ready to hatch. The chase is about journey, about process, and about delight along the way...
I am starting the chase....wanna run too?
5 comments:
You are SO your mother's child! I'm proud of the woman you're becoming, and glad to have had just a wee part in it all. To me, you're still the little sunburned baby girl who loved going to the lake! :-D
Oh cool. So i feel like I am reading something from the future. It's the 19th and I am reading something from the 20th! Super cool!
Cool Blog. I enjoyed the read, Trying new things is great! I think what you're doing is wonderful!
i saw this movie a while ago called "Peaceful Warrior" It was pretty slow and a little strange but it portrayed a specific idea; "The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination" Which seems true some of the time. so there is another reason not to quit your journeys...
Thanks for writing! keep it up!
Heather, we should have hung out more when you lived here! You are secretly artistic!
I want to read these poems you speak of :D
Lydia - Thanks, your statement about me being my mother's child is a compliment indeed. :) I am glad that you had a role in it all, even if in the formative, sunburned baby years. :) Thanks for your note, and I hope you and your family are well these days!
Matt - You made me crack up - Apparently I cannot look at the calendar correctly...will work on that...or continue to write in the future. Maybe that's more fun. Thank you for your thoughts...
Adam - yes, you are probably right, we should have. I have so appreciated reading your blog thoughts and insights...refreshing and profound. Maybe I will be bold one day and share poems on here...or not, but I can send them your way still..
Yay Heather! Great Blog! I like it lots! So... what are some of the visions and dreams you've been having of late? I really like your visual description of the joyful girl in the grass with her skirt in knots. Happy.
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